Sunday, 29 June 2008
Sunday, 22 June 2008
Saturday, 14 June 2008
How to get out of it
After a hard week at work/school there's nothing we male's like more than to put our feet up.
Trouble is the someone near us usually has other ideas, But by following these rules you should get out of things.
Washing up
Use cold water thus leaving the grease and porridge stuck to plates, be sure to forget the grill pan, and ALWAYS leave a teaspoon in the bottom of the sink as proof you've been there.
Changing the duvet cover
If asked to help with this ritual, try getting stuck inside the billowing cover then stumble about like Mr Blobby. Stagger out of the bedroom and pretend to narrowly avoid going headlong down the stairs, she'll be so pleased you're still alive -with any luck- that you'll not be ask to do this again
Hoovering
No don't suck the parrot up that's cruel, You may just catch the cat's tail, forcing a yowl that'll wake the dead - and shock her into grabbing the cleaner from you. Alternatively, try unstitching her knitting with the nozzle. This is drastic so stand well clear when your handiwork is discovered (maybe the macs or neads could tell me if this works)
Dusting
First protes that the floral design on the pinafore doesn't match the colour of you eyes, If that fails and it probably will, resort to chipping the ornament that she was given by her mum.
Making Dinner
use sugar instead of salt or vice versa, then complain the crockery is dirty, that the grill pan hasn't been washed and you've noticed that a teaspoon is missing
Walking the dog
Do it once but remember to take a stick with you to throw into the middle of the swamp. this will ensure dog returns looking like a mud-encrusted hippo, it more effective if its raining, and better still if the kitchen floor just been cleaned.
Washing the car
If your really brave point the hosepipe at any washing hung out to dry - the neighbour's preferably. This should bring Swift results. If you value your life through simply spray water over the window. Then you have two choices - wrap the hose up telling her its raining, or wait for her to dash out in a panic because she thinks the washing is getting wet. The second choice is best. When she sees what your up to, chances are she'll call you many names and say your not fit to do anything. That's what you've been waiting to hear, so take her word for it and don't argue
Trouble is the someone near us usually has other ideas, But by following these rules you should get out of things.
Washing up
Use cold water thus leaving the grease and porridge stuck to plates, be sure to forget the grill pan, and ALWAYS leave a teaspoon in the bottom of the sink as proof you've been there.
Changing the duvet cover
If asked to help with this ritual, try getting stuck inside the billowing cover then stumble about like Mr Blobby. Stagger out of the bedroom and pretend to narrowly avoid going headlong down the stairs, she'll be so pleased you're still alive -with any luck- that you'll not be ask to do this again
Hoovering
No don't suck the parrot up that's cruel, You may just catch the cat's tail, forcing a yowl that'll wake the dead - and shock her into grabbing the cleaner from you. Alternatively, try unstitching her knitting with the nozzle. This is drastic so stand well clear when your handiwork is discovered (maybe the macs or neads could tell me if this works)
Dusting
First protes that the floral design on the pinafore doesn't match the colour of you eyes, If that fails and it probably will, resort to chipping the ornament that she was given by her mum.
Making Dinner
use sugar instead of salt or vice versa, then complain the crockery is dirty, that the grill pan hasn't been washed and you've noticed that a teaspoon is missing
Walking the dog
Do it once but remember to take a stick with you to throw into the middle of the swamp. this will ensure dog returns looking like a mud-encrusted hippo, it more effective if its raining, and better still if the kitchen floor just been cleaned.
Washing the car
If your really brave point the hosepipe at any washing hung out to dry - the neighbour's preferably. This should bring Swift results. If you value your life through simply spray water over the window. Then you have two choices - wrap the hose up telling her its raining, or wait for her to dash out in a panic because she thinks the washing is getting wet. The second choice is best. When she sees what your up to, chances are she'll call you many names and say your not fit to do anything. That's what you've been waiting to hear, so take her word for it and don't argue
Saturday, 7 June 2008
saving money
some ways you can save money and cut the amount of power you use around your home. Lets start with the easiest and one that doesn't mean paying out in the short term to gain in the long term,
The stand by button research by the BBC shows "Britons waste the equivalent of around two power stations' worth of electricity each year by leaving TV sets and other gadgets on standby." yes by turning that button off and switching off at the wall YOU will save money a PC monitor left on overnight uses enough power to cook six microwave meals.
Lamps change some of your lamps for the low energy ones, notice i said some and not all the low energy lamps work best when they are on for long amounts of time, in places like the bathroom or rooms when people are always going in or out turning the light on and off as they go its not worth installing.
Now look to wants in your loft/roof space the independent energy saving trust says "Insulating your loft could save you around £110 per year on your energy bills. If everyone in the UK topped up their loft insulation to 270mm, £380m would be saved each year that's $216.64 yes a saving of over $200 just by putting up to 270mm of insulation in your loft or roof space, and you don't have to pay a lot of money to do it either, I've done it myself in one morning, BTW you can tell who has loft insulation by looking at the roofs when its been snowing, the ones who have snow on the longest have, the ones which sees snow disappear fast don't,
Windows
In an ideal world double glazing is the best way to cut down on losing heat through your windows, but not everybody can afford them, so there's secondary glazing a number of different types are available but in a nutshell they are see through plastic heat sealed with a hairdryer i know that sellotape make a range,
Heating
turn the heating down a little instead of having it at say 34 turn it down to 30 and if people tell you their cold, explain what that warm woollen thing in their drawer/wardrobe is for.
there are lots of other little things, like do you really need to boil a full kettle of water when a half a kettle or less would do.
All these little things add up over the year and could save you some real money
The stand by button research by the BBC shows "Britons waste the equivalent of around two power stations' worth of electricity each year by leaving TV sets and other gadgets on standby." yes by turning that button off and switching off at the wall YOU will save money a PC monitor left on overnight uses enough power to cook six microwave meals.
Lamps change some of your lamps for the low energy ones, notice i said some and not all the low energy lamps work best when they are on for long amounts of time, in places like the bathroom or rooms when people are always going in or out turning the light on and off as they go its not worth installing.
Now look to wants in your loft/roof space the independent energy saving trust says "Insulating your loft could save you around £110 per year on your energy bills. If everyone in the UK topped up their loft insulation to 270mm, £380m would be saved each year that's $216.64 yes a saving of over $200 just by putting up to 270mm of insulation in your loft or roof space, and you don't have to pay a lot of money to do it either, I've done it myself in one morning, BTW you can tell who has loft insulation by looking at the roofs when its been snowing, the ones who have snow on the longest have, the ones which sees snow disappear fast don't,
Windows
In an ideal world double glazing is the best way to cut down on losing heat through your windows, but not everybody can afford them, so there's secondary glazing a number of different types are available but in a nutshell they are see through plastic heat sealed with a hairdryer i know that sellotape make a range,
Heating
turn the heating down a little instead of having it at say 34 turn it down to 30 and if people tell you their cold, explain what that warm woollen thing in their drawer/wardrobe is for.
there are lots of other little things, like do you really need to boil a full kettle of water when a half a kettle or less would do.
All these little things add up over the year and could save you some real money
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