How to get out of it

After a hard week at work/school there's nothing we male's like more than to put our feet up.

Trouble is the someone near us usually has other ideas, But by following these rules you should get out of things.

Washing up
Use cold water thus leaving the grease and porridge stuck to plates, be sure to forget the grill pan, and ALWAYS leave a teaspoon in the bottom of the sink as proof you've been there.

Changing the duvet cover
If asked to help with this ritual, try getting stuck inside the billowing cover then stumble about like Mr Blobby. Stagger out of the bedroom and pretend to narrowly avoid going headlong down the stairs, she'll be so pleased you're still alive -with any luck- that you'll not be ask to do this again

Hoovering
No don't suck the parrot up that's cruel, You may just catch the cat's tail, forcing a yowl that'll wake the dead - and shock her into grabbing the cleaner from you. Alternatively, try unstitching her knitting with the nozzle. This is drastic so stand well clear when your handiwork is discovered (maybe the macs or neads could tell me if this works)

Dusting
First protes that the floral design on the pinafore doesn't match the colour of you eyes, If that fails and it probably will, resort to chipping the ornament that she was given by her mum.

Making Dinner
use sugar instead of salt or vice versa, then complain the crockery is dirty, that the grill pan hasn't been washed and you've noticed that a teaspoon is missing

Walking the dog
Do it once but remember to take a stick with you to throw into the middle of the swamp. this will ensure dog returns looking like a mud-encrusted hippo, it more effective if its raining, and better still if the kitchen floor just been cleaned.

Washing the car
If your really brave point the hosepipe at any washing hung out to dry - the neighbour's preferably. This should bring Swift results. If you value your life through simply spray water over the window. Then you have two choices - wrap the hose up telling her its raining, or wait for her to dash out in a panic because she thinks the washing is getting wet. The second choice is best. When she sees what your up to, chances are she'll call you many names and say your not fit to do anything. That's what you've been waiting to hear, so take her word for it and don't argue